“... A dating situation with a suicidal woman is a fulltime job. Honestly, I’m not sure I'd be of any help to Lorraine if she tried to commit suicide. I may be there now. There as the latest phenomenon in her life that she sees me as, the inspiration and motivation I have suddenly become to her life. But I'm not sure I should be there to hold her hand throughout her life. It's a choice one has to make on one’s own whether to kill oneself. She said so herself, life is all about choices.
I'm aware of my growing interest in her, but I'm sure I can get off the ride she’s invited me on when I’m ready. But, I'm not ready to deal with a suicidal situation. She has already been there twice, and getting back there is easy. So it makes me wonder if I shouldn’t disembark from this train before it gets to a point where she relies on me heavily.
She called me earlier this afternoon to ask me to pick her up from her flat. Today, being Sunday, of all days she wants me to pick her up. Sunday is my Jazz day. My time to recharge. She sounded desperate though. Like something unpleasant had happened. I’m not entirely happy with her frequent visits to my place. I prefer to be the one inviting her over, but I like her a lot, in spite of her baggage, her fragility and her world. It's a fascinating world when she lets you in. You get to see things from her purview. But today is not a good day to visit. No it is not.
This driving business also fatigues me. This N1 freeway! On my return I should use an alternative route. The evening traffic along this stretch of the road is usually full. I’m certain that the motorists are always oblivious to the beautiful glimmer of the lights that appear after the darkness has fallen over the sprawling Cape Town. If there are motorists who notice the beauty of the lights as they drive here, I sincerely doubt that their rush permits them to take it all in. There’s always a sense of urgency. Look at the city lights as they flicker – mostly amber, but with traces of blue here and red and green there. All these glorious lights mark the city’s contours, the land that rises and falls as it sprawls across the peninsula. What’s very enchanting about these lights is that they have a sense of uniformity about them. In fact, these lights dissolve the ugly disparities that Cape Town shows during the day. They conceal all that is repulsive about the Mother City; all that the tourism side of things hides away from those seeking a complete South African experience. The tourism campaigns instead show Twelve Apostles and the magnificent beaches that lay bare below their guard; the magnificent Cape Point; Newlands Forest; Table Mountain; Chapman’s Peak, the wine estates and many other attractions.
Even though these lights have a degree of varying colours, their variety only heightens Cape Town’s beauty at night. They appear like crushed pieces of multi-coloured glasses with each piece reflecting their interpretation of the light that glows below them, a light which is from the same source with equal reach to all the pieces of glass. If only people of Cape Town were like that too. If only their houses reflected the same spirit too, then this part of the land would truly be beautiful. The existing disparities do not help much in creating this beautiful spirit about the city.
From this point of view, under this glorious night with all these flickering lights, it becomes difficult to distinguish between Khayelitsha and Milnerton, Mannenberg and Rondebosch – the whole place is awash with colour. Even Robben Island twinkles with the same exuberance despite the sour history she bears. I can only assume the dark patch that cuts between her glinting lights and the uniformity of the glittering lights that run as far as where I think Khayelitsha is, to be the sea. After all her isolation cannot be helped. The ocean appears to be dead; the darkness that rest over it suggests so. But one knows that the ocean never dies. It always heaves even when it appears restful on a hot summer day.
The calm of the lights overwhelms the heart with nostalgia. Andile Yenana’s music is a perfect complement. Oh city lights! I’m with them now and they are with me too, at least as I drive here on the freeway heading for Lorraine’s place. But my togetherness with the lights seems to be always determined by me. I switch them on or off at home when I need to; even in this car. I suppose our relationship should change. That is why I should make time to watch them from this point until the night allows the moon to rise above the earth and blends with the flickers, just like the stars winks from the dark sky – that would be something to behold! I should check the lunar calendar for when the moon will be full again. But for now, I have to pick Lorraine up...”
The above text has been extracted from Deon-Simphiwe’s book, A Series of Undesirable Events (ISBN 978-0-0620-49145-7)
You may get a copy here
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